mr-onion's Diaryland Diary

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Dr. Doolittle....Like Hell

I finally trained that guard dog at a nearby industrial property not to bark at me on my walk to the bus stop. I aim happy thoughts of Milk-Bone and Alpo and squeaky rubber bones at him and he stops his crazy barking.

I've always had an odd relationship with animals. Zoomorphism - ascribing human traits to animals.

Like when ex-boyfriend took me to his parents' ranch to show me how to get along with horses. These horses were only used for the occasional ride around the property, but were mostly left to graze in the fields, quietly working out quadratic equations in their heads.

He walked me up to Rudy, the oldest horse and informed me of the rules: don't walk around the back of a horse because they will kick and take your head off. always keep your hand touching the side of the horse when they can't see you so they know where you are. keep calm at all times and don't make any sudden movements. always make a good first impression when meeting a new horse.

I bent down into the dung filled earth and pulled up all the long grass I could hold. I offered them up to Rudy's toothy mouth.

He calmly stared at me and thought "she looks crunchy" and proceeded to gnaw on my arm. Vegetarian arm is probably up there on the list of horse delicacies with apples. What did he think I was, a pretzel?

It's always been my firm belief that animals can sense evil and one should trust their judgement in human nature. I can't tell whether I'm good or evil though from the reaction of animals. It's useful to know if you've got the capacity to be a ravening mass murderer. Dogs, cats, birds, horses, terrapins and llamas...no matter which...they invariably give me that bemused look and try to chew on my arm. Do I smell like fried chicken? I must've been a can of Alpo in a former life.

7:53 a.m. - 2004-11-04

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