mr-onion's Diaryland Diary

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This list may keep me single for decades

Since Friday I've been jealously hoarding my soggy list from the drunken survey (read: stalking) of friends, some who are no longer friends, friends of ex-boyfriends, friends of a friend's cousin and new friends....

Without any editing whatsoever, here are the goods.

Dating No-No List:

69. Never date anyone who lives with their ex-girlfriend

70. No D names, no J names

80. No ex-cons or deadbeats (does this mean no misdemeanors, no felonies, or both?)

81. No drug dealers (thus disqualifying half the men in this bar)

82. Must have a job (taking out the other half of the competition at Moe's Bar)

83. Must not live with parents

84. Must not need to be mothered

85. Must be able to cook

86. No handlebar moustaches!

87. Car not essential, but no pickup trucks, especially if he's named it

88. No lawyers (this one came from a man)

89. No jocks

90. No war vets, no amputees

91. No speech impediments

92. No Nazi's

93. No ripped foreskins

94. No Slipknot fans

95. No Dave Matthews Band fans

96. No Vancouver Canucks fans

97. No long distance romances

98. Cannot be super skinny

99. Nobody from Brunei (they have MASSIVE Pebbles Flintstone heads!)

100. We do not date boys who have shit-catcher jeans, causing them to pull up their trousers every 30 seconds

101. No toupe's (because her aunt was a toupe maker and told her all sorts of horrific stories about how long men take to wash their rugs)

102. No one named Elvis (bastard wrote this upon learning that my cat's name is Elvis. I wouldn't have let him near my Elvis, even for a speed date

103. No bike couriers

104. No militant communists

105. No country music fans

106. Must not wear more makeup than me

107. Do not date an identical twin: they will switch places so they can both get a piece

108. No Star Trek fans, especially if they go to conventions

109. No! to men who button they shirt collars all the way to the top

110. No loudmouths (like that guy over there)

111. No seeing eye dogs - they smell!

112. No patrons of Gossips (If Carmen Electra were a bar, this is the bar she would be)

113. No right wing people

114. No Royal We's, as in 'Honey, we should try to pet that rabid dog - you go first!'

115. No 'man jewelry'

116. No tampons left in my medicine cabinet! (another man's contribution)

117. Nobody who plays Golden Tee

118. No third nipples

119. No lazy-eyes

120. No big hangy meat curtains(courtesy of Jay)

121. No women who propose after the second date (I had to call SJ on this one �EWhat? He informed me that 2 (two) of his former wimmin were guilty of this.)

And I've left our original numbering intact, because logically eighty should follow right after seventy, without all those other pesky digits in between.

8:11 p.m. - 2004-08-24

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