mr-onion's Diaryland Diary
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Missing: 1 Australian Poof. Answers to the name of Taffy.
Dammit there's not a lot going on lately: I stared at blueprints for eight hours today and met with Ginger for a superdeepfriedlunch. Same old friends with our Friday Nite Complain-athon at the pub, where we ask the age old question "How do we find a recipe for anthrax, so we can slip it into the bosses coffee?"
And my very best friend, Taff has weaseled out of our holiday together, which leaves me alone on a plane, sat next to an overfriendly man with halitosis and an urge to recount his life story. Taff's been holed up in Perth for the last two years and I always hoped we'd end up living together again, because he's got more accessories than I do and a girl can always use more glittery bangles in a pinch. He made a bedside candle-holder out of a Cyndi Lauper 45RPM record, he had a full wet bar set up in his room, complete with little vignettes acted out by Barbie dolls, he devoted more time to his hairdo than his CV, we both hated James the goth living in our attic, we both had small bladders and ended up peeing in bushes by Liverpool Street station too many times on the way home from cocktails, we both shoved pakoras in our pockets at the AllYouCanEatFor2.95IndianRestaurant in case we got hungry on the way home.
After all the years of solid friendship and lying to eachother about our weight, what does he abandon me for?
1) going to Bali for fake designer handbags
2) bringing fashion to Australia
3) and cheap sex with semi-believable virgins
Exhibit A: a clipping from his latest e-mail: I'm fully recovered and fighting fit. It was a drip of absinthe and hairspray that cured me. I'm just suffering a tad from a night at the disco last night. The night was a huge success and I left on the arm of a dashing young beau by the name of Simon age 20.... I don't know what's happening, I only attract young boys!! I feel like Joanie Collins with Percy.
I think I'm going with my mum to Bali, for some sun and sangria..... and an imitation Louis V. My god if I see another fake Takashi Murakami Vuitton handbag in the street I'm gonna rip it out of their cheap hands and rub my falafel on it! I'm soooo sick of them. It's so sad! Get a life! and people in Perth are that bad they have the nerve to still carry the old Steven Sprouse one, but fake!!! My god, Posh has long since burned hers! all follow please! for the love of the children!
Anyhoo Taffy, I've vented my fashion anger and now I have some work to do. I'm 1 week away from opening a new store here in Perth. Me and a friend are opening a boutique, and it's going to be amazing! The shop looks like a gallery meets a hunter's lounge, called Coquette. It has a bit of a rock influence, but with a sophisticated edge. Our inspiration was drawn from frustration of the way women dress in this city, so boring and cloned. There are no edgy clothes available to women here, so we have sourced some cool shit to stir up the Perth woman. We have bought the most amazing stuff!! I'm sitting amongst boxes of fabulous leather handbags from Argentina, they are so hot! And I've been trying on this collection from Jain Close an Australian designer, she does amazing oversized knits, and sweats, all in black, very Helmut Lang... agh but so many things are fucking up. We won't have a door handle for two weeks;it's somewhere in Italy, being whittled away by a man in a field........
Taffy, x love you more than diet pills and mayonnaise
I can hardly believe it. Taff was born and raised in Perth and took every opportunity to slag it off. He goes back after years of living in London and finds that home is a very comforting place to be.
strange
I always used to ask Taffy about Australia, and from all of his slurred answers, I'm guessing it's a lot like Canada, except we don't wear string vests...ever.
8:15 p.m. - 2004-08-18
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