mr-onion's Diaryland Diary

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Your Mother's Got a Penis

Ahhhhh...yes I'm feeling much much better now. Small crisis brought on by too much people-pleasing in October. From now on, I'll be back in my usual bitchy zone - it keeps me stress free.

Sometimes I do wonder why I'm like this, and then I look at my friends and family and wonder no longer:

QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

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from Dale in Pert Nipples, Australia:

Had a sensational long lunch with adam,at an exclusive inner city hotel.. with lots of wine. the waiter propositioned adam....we left giggling then drank pints at the belgian beer bar perving on boys out the front!! Some guy drove by in his ute 4 times looking at us pretending to be lost.... the 4th time round I put my knickers back on and realised I'd gone too far.

Editor's note: WHAT IS A UTE? PLEASE HELP ME OUT WITH THIS ISABEL - I'VE NEVER BEEN TO OZ.
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Editor's Note: William Shatner is taking her sock monkey a little too seriously...she's named it "Mini Kirk":

Dear Gepetto,

Mini Kirk got her first taste of the labour force today. She came along to see what the world of marketing is like. By 10:00 a.m. she was fast asleep.

I introduced her to everyone and all got along swimmingly.

I've kept her away from puppy however because puppy licked her chops upon
setting eyes on Mini Kirk.

At lunch we dined on sushi and a gross truffle brownie. Like her twin,
Mini Kirk appreciates chocolate in any form - gross or grande.

love, Big Cap'n Kirk
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from Broadsy:

Darlin'

Saw a picture of Muse in Time Out today, but skipped over the article thinking (wrongly?) that they were just part of the no-hoper post-Brit-pop mel-lay of wanna tripe (see Embrace). But now you say that one of them looks like me...I may reconsider...

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from Jimbo:

Hey,

It was good to hear from you. I thought I never hear from you again after you left, robbing me of all my favourite Eastenders themed ornamental china figurines. I know it was you bitch. If I find them being sold on eBay in a couple of weeks time I'll be
sure to track you down and steal all your vegetarian shoes.

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from nephew, Topher.....off at socialist camp in Powell River:

I am working with children at an elementary school down the road and at
the local therapeutic riding association, for disabled riders. Work at the riding association is always interesting, but the horses themselves are very demure, since most of them are older than me. Soon I will be learning
to ride them myself, however, and then I will be a proper Gentleman.

Ed.'s Note: there'll be no gentlemaning goin' on in our family.
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Katie (currently pissing around Taiwan to avoid getting a job at home):

"Rooms Like Jello and More Dumplings"

there was an earthquake here last Friday. I was sitting on my bed when it felt like my room was made of jello... kind of interesting. The epicenter was in the ocean so there was no damage in town which was great.. I still have a home! I don't feel the need to experience many more of those... but apparently they aren't abnormal.
As for the dumplings... my boss asked if I had found any kind of food that I like here in Taiwan... my answer was dumplings of course. She said she knew someone that made the best dumplings and she would get me some.. which I thought was very nice of her. The next Friday she arrranged to have them delivered to my apartment.. I was thinking, you know, maybe 10-20 dumplings for a meal..... our freezer is FULL of dumplings, 10 bags.. and I don't even know what kinds they are as it is all in Chinese... details. So I will never be left wanting for dumplings again!
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cousin Neil:

Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

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Coco:

Hi Darling,

Yes it's horrible to be back in office life after a fab time. The autistic chief accountant has gone on holiday so while the bitch bores people in Florida I hav to stay until 22 Oct, a week after she gets back. What u have to do to get a reference.

Have u seen October's Dazed & Confused -I knew that my pure blue eye shadow a la golder's green would come back

my keyboardhasbrokn spk soon coco

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I really shouldn't worry so much, we're all insane together.

PS. YOUR MOTHER'S GOT A PENIS.

7:41 p.m. - 2004-10-31

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